Jhuicy Fruit Submission #0001 — 100% Intelligent Black Child
Praise whiteJesus! We (finally) have our first official jhuicyfruit submission! And if we may echo those ATLiens, Hollyweerd, this right here is an AU-TO-MA-TIC CLASSIC.
Our submitter writes:
Circa 1984, you can tell by my Prince-inspired lace collar. This was actually a school photo that my parents have displayed prominently in both of their homes. Yes, there are multiple copies of this photo in the world.
Please note the lone curl that elegantly frames the silhouette and the big ass white comb from Kmart in the side of my head. All I needed was my raspberry beret, and I would have been set.
Hellssss yes we noted the lone curl softly obscuring the third eye, protecting it from any renegade drips of activator hell bent on blinding it. And since said solitary curl only appears in the silhouette, we believe the photographer deliberately positioned it in such a manner. Fuck what you heard, Dorothea Lange. That is what we call staging a photo.
This curl, this entire picture is fucking BAWSE. Adequately but not overly moisturized, the shininess indicates consistent curl cap usage—perhaps due to threats of taking away the Atari if not properly applied to the dome before bed time. The unbelievably perfect shape of the curl—as seen in a silhouette only Olan Mills could love more than we do—is the result of hair teasing that could have only been done by the hands of a loving (black) mother.
Frankly, this is a classic black kid curl. Generally first administered circa 3rd grade, this mature, but not too old hairstyle would be a consistent feature in yearbooks everywhere until 1992. The sweet, yet restrained smile of our subject not only seems to anticipate that at some point, some asshole who peaked in high school will scan his wholeentire yearbook and post it to Facebook and tag your curl having black ass, but also seems to be screaming, “I can’t believe my parents did this shit to me.” We can’t believe it, either. But we’re so glad they did. So, so glad they did.
Way to be such a trooper. We bow our formerly activated heads in reverence for your bravery.
The Jhuicyfruit Crew
Please, sir, can we have some more? Submit your jheri curl pics to firstname.lastname@example.org !!